How To Pee In The Woods

The Great Outdoors Awaits! (And So Does...Nature's Call!)

Okay, let's face it: you're out in the wilderness, surrounded by majestic trees and singing birds, feeling like a true explorer! Suddenly, your bladder whispers (or maybe screams) a very urgent message. What do you do?

Finding Your Throne (aka Choosing a Spot)

First things first, location, location, location! Think of it like finding the perfect parking spot, but for, well, something else entirely. Look for a spot at least 200 feet (that's about 70 big steps) away from any water sources like rivers, lakes, or streams.

Nobody wants a surprise lemonade with extra…flavor. Plus, be mindful of the trail! You don’t want to create a surprise for the next hiker.

Consider privacy too! You're not starring in a reality show, so find a secluded spot behind a bush or a fallen log. Embrace your inner ninja and become one with the foliage.

Gear Up (aka Gather Your Supplies)

Next, let's talk accessories! The most important thing is toilet paper. Biodegradable is best.

But if you forget, don't panic! Mother Nature provides. Soft, non-poisonous leaves (like broadleaf) can work in a pinch. Just be absolutely sure you know what you're grabbing. Nobody wants a rashy bottom after a beautiful hike!

Also, always carry a small trowel or sturdy stick for burying. A hand sanitizer is a great idea for a quick refresh after you're done.

The Squatting Technique (aka Getting Down to Business)

Now for the main event! The classic squat. It's a time-honored tradition for a reason. Think of it like a yoga pose, but with a slightly more pressing deadline.

Find a stable position, feet firmly planted, and… engage your core! Lower yourself slowly. Try imagining you are sitting on an invisible chair. Practice makes perfect!

For added stability, you can hold onto a tree branch. Just make sure it's sturdy and not covered in ants!

The Burying Ritual (aka Leave No Trace)

Once you've completed your mission, it's time to tidy up! This is where your trowel or stick comes in. Dig a small hole, about 6-8 inches deep.

Deposit your…business (and your biodegradable toilet paper) into the hole. Then, cover it up completely with the soil you removed. Pat it down gently and you're done.

If you're using non-biodegradable toilet paper, pack it out in a plastic bag. No one wants to stumble upon a used tissue flower in the middle of the forest. That’s a major party foul!

Hand Sanitizer Time (aka The Grand Finale)

Last but not least, sanitize those hands! A good squirt of hand sanitizer will kill any lingering germs and leave you feeling refreshed and ready to conquer the trail.

If you don't have hand sanitizer, find a stream or river. Wash your hands thoroughly with soap and water if possible. If soap isn't available, rub your hands together vigorously with water.